It is Good Friday, and I am feeling the burdens of autism. There is so much I miss of what people communicate. It’s like being deaf. I can’t hear much of what is “said” around me, because I miss subtleties. I never know what I’ve missed; I can only guess. I live with the anxiety of not knowing what people really think about me or my work. Or if they are really honest in their feedback. I feel alone in a world of people. I feel insecurity and anxiety every day. I feel the burden of my life and my ministry.
It is so hard to find people who understand and support me. I am alone in the garden praying for guidance, and no one will stay awake and pray with me.
I am alone with God. And God is calling me to a ministry that will bring me pain.
As a minister with autism, how can I know if I am really helping the people around me? How can I know how much pain lies ahead?
God, let this cup pass from me.
And if that is not to be, then please be with me in this pain.
Easter, come soon.