LOVE, NOT FEAR

This posting is part of the Flashblog presented by “Boycott Autism Speaks.”

LOVE; NOT FEAR

Feb. 14, 2014

 Five Months; nine days; and counting.

 September 5, 2013.  The day I got my diagnosis of Asperger’s.  I had been suspecting it for a while, of course, and had seen a neuropsychologist for testing.  At 66 years old, I had been shocked to start figuring out I was an Aspie.   I wasn’t sure how the official diagnosis would feel.

 On Sept. 5th, I went to the office of the neuro-psychologist to get my diagnosis.  When she said, “You definitely have Asperger’s,” a weight was lifted from my shoulders.  66 years of weight.

 I thought, “Oh, my God – that explains EVERYTHING about me that I didn’t understand.  EVERYTHING.”

 In these five plus month, the weights have continued to fall off.

 I no longer go through my day in fear, thinking “What will I do wrong today?  What mistake will I make?  How will I mess up my life?”  I’m no longer living each day holding my breath in fear.

 I had always been sure that there was something deeply flawed about me, and I had tried to keep the world from finding out that I was a fraud in my work and my life.  I lived in fear, and didn’t like myself much.

 Five months and nine days ago changed everything.   Each day, a little bit more of my shield of fear melts away, allowing the real me out into the world.  Every day, I love myself a little more – the REAL me, deep inside, that I always kept locked away.

 I don’t have to be afraid of the inner me, or of the world around me.  I can love myself, love my life, and love being alive in the world!  And love all the gifts that come with being an Aspie!

3 Comments

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3 responses to “LOVE, NOT FEAR

  1. Pingback: Love, Not Fear | Love Not Fear Flash Blog

  2. PK

    Reblogged this on Walkin' on the edge and commented:
    So long in coming. So glad it did.

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