This posting is part of the Flashblog presented by “Boycott Autism Speaks.”
LOVE; NOT FEAR
Feb. 14, 2014
Five Months; nine days; and counting.
September 5, 2013. The day I got my diagnosis of Asperger’s. I had been suspecting it for a while, of course, and had seen a neuropsychologist for testing. At 66 years old, I had been shocked to start figuring out I was an Aspie. I wasn’t sure how the official diagnosis would feel.
On Sept. 5th, I went to the office of the neuro-psychologist to get my diagnosis. When she said, “You definitely have Asperger’s,” a weight was lifted from my shoulders. 66 years of weight.
I thought, “Oh, my God – that explains EVERYTHING about me that I didn’t understand. EVERYTHING.”
In these five plus month, the weights have continued to fall off.
I no longer go through my day in fear, thinking “What will I do wrong today? What mistake will I make? How will I mess up my life?” I’m no longer living each day holding my breath in fear.
I had always been sure that there was something deeply flawed about me, and I had tried to keep the world from finding out that I was a fraud in my work and my life. I lived in fear, and didn’t like myself much.
Five months and nine days ago changed everything. Each day, a little bit more of my shield of fear melts away, allowing the real me out into the world. Every day, I love myself a little more – the REAL me, deep inside, that I always kept locked away.
I don’t have to be afraid of the inner me, or of the world around me. I can love myself, love my life, and love being alive in the world! And love all the gifts that come with being an Aspie!